Colleen – chapter 03 – part-05

“He does…why?”

“John is always on the lookout for smart and talented people that can be an asset to the company. He told me he had been watching you even before Derrick Andrews showed up. When everything blew up, he recognized his own story in yours so he made arrangements with Harold for you to come to San Miguel. Do you know about Harold and John?”

“Harold mentioned that they had been roommates in college but that’s all he’s ever said.”

“And they’ve been best friends ever since. They were even married to their college sweethearts in a double ceremony right after they graduated. They started the same day at Willis, Goldman & Reed in the Omaha office.”

“What happened was almost a cliché. John came home early from a business trip and Harold picked him up at the airport and took him home. John and Harold both walked into the house and found John’s wife and his supervisor on the couch, right in the middle of…in the middle of doing it. I guess the affair had been going on for some time. From John’s description the supervisor was the same type of arrogant jerk as Derrick Andrews and he started laughing at John. That was when John threw the supervisor out of the bedroom window…oh, and the window was closed at the time. John and Harold packed up all of John’s clothes and personal belongings and moved John into Harold’s guest room.”

“What happened afterwards?” I asked.

“Everything turned to crap for John before it got better. Apparently his wife thought the supervisor was the better meal ticket. She called John a loser and said that she was going to marry the supervisor. Unfortunately for her the supervisor’s wife didn’t see it the same way. By the time the wife’s lawyers finished with him in divorce court the supervisor was bankrupt and penniless. Harold had some very heated discussions with management in the Omaha office, but in the end the supervisor was fired and would never be able to get a job anywhere in the industry again.”

“What about John’s wife?”

“Oh, she tried to get back together with John but John is not a fool. They had only been married for a couple of years so they didn’t have many assets to speak of, and because John and Harold had caught her in the middle of an adulterous act, plus some of the things she had testified to in the supervisor’s divorce trial, she got no alimony. Basically John walked away from his marriage without it costing him a penny. But it did cost him a lot of pain…but you probably already know what John was feeling.”

“Yeah, I know exactly what he was going through.”

“Well, John lived with Harold and his wife Caroline for a long time and they helped him keep going. But there is that one good thing about crap.”

“What’s that?” I asked, slightly confused.

“It helps beautiful things to grow. Couple of years after the divorce, John married Caroline’s older sister Diane. They’ve been happily married for over thirty years now.”

“Oh wow, John Gordon is Harold Peterson’s brother-in-law? I had no idea.”

“Not many people do. Do you know about Harold’s wife Caroline?”

“Only that she passed away, he doesn’t talk much about his personal life.”

“I’m not surprised. According to John, Harold and Caroline had decided to wait a few years before having children but before they could, she was diagnosed with ovarian

Mrs. Lopez stopped for a minute and looked at me before continuing.

“And that’s why Harold is here in San Miguel.”

“Ok, you just lost me there.”

“John knew Harold well enough to know that he needed a change of scenery and something to focus on if he was going to keep his sanity. John had worked his way up in management far enough that he was able to pull some strings and get Harold transferred here to San Miguel as head of the office. At the time this office was leaking red ink like a sieve. Harold was given one year to turn things around or they were going to shut the place down. He did turn it around and in a big way. Harold has been here for twenty-five years and refuses to leave. The company has been after him for years to go to headquarters at probably twice or three times the salary but he won’t budge…”

Mrs. Lopez smiled.

“…and sometimes he’s not very polite when he declines their gracious offer.”

I had to smile at this because it was exactly what I pictured Peterson’s reaction would be to the suggestion of moving to New York.

“Thanks for telling me Mrs. Lopez. You know, I’m probably the closest thing to a friend that Harold has here in the office and I hardly know anything about him. After twenty-five years no body knows anything at all about his personal life; you’ve just explained quite a lot about Harold. I’ll respect his privacy and keep this to myself.”

We both sat quietly for a few moments, wrapped up in our own thoughts, when Mrs. Lopez looked directly into my eyes.

“Robert. Is there anything else you want to know about Chicago?”

I knew exactly what she was saying. In a perverse sort of way, I did want to know, but I also knew that if she told me, a lot of memories I didn’t want to see again would come back to haunt me. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. I turned my head to look at the picture of Colleen again. When I finally answered her my voice was barely above a whisper.

“No. I think I have every thing I need to know about Chicago.”

She sat for a minute studying me before she spoke.

“Well then, I guess I better get back to my desk.”

Mrs. Lopez stood up and started to leave my office but stopped at the door. She stood with her hand on the doorknob for a moment then turned back around and stared at me. She came back and sat down once again at the side of my desk. She didn’t say anything, just sat watching me. She then looked at Colleen’s photograph as she spoke.

“When John Gordon arranged for you to come to San Miguel, neither he nor Harold knew anything at all about Colleen…”

At this point Mrs. Lopez paused and looked directly at me.

“…and as far as I know, no one is aware of it to this day…”

Again she paused for a second before continuing.

“…and no one ever will.”

I opened my mouth but she continued before I could speak.

“Robert, you don’t owe me any explanations. In Chicago you were like a son to Ray and I and we will never say, or do, anything that might harm you or your family. And especially after last night, I can see that you and Colleen love each other very much.”

I took a deep breath and exhaled before I spoke.

“I can’t tell you what a load off of our minds that is.”

Mrs. Lopez stopped and looked at Colleen’s picture again before speaking.

“Last night I told you that coming to San Miguel was the smartest thing you have ever done. That was my opinion when you left and that’s my opinion now. If you had stayed in Chicago it would have been a complete disaster for both you and Barbara…and everyone else around you. Your children are delightful and I can see that Colleen loves you very deeply. Robert, you are a lucky, lucky man. I hope you realize that.”

She was smiling as she said that.

“I do, I realize it every morning when I wake up next to her.”

Now it was my turn to smile.

She gave a small laugh.

“I think that’s all the personal information I need to know. And now I really do need to get back what to work.”

She stood up and then did something totally unexpected. She placed both hands on my shoulders then leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. She smiled and walked towards the outer office. When she got as far as the door I stopped her again.

“Mrs. Lopez…”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome…oh, and by the way, Ray confessed to me he that he told you about Derrick Andrews. He may have been the toughest cop on the force but I can still break him like wet paper bag.”

Still smiling, she exited the office and closed the door behind her.

I don’t think Colleen knew anything about what Ray and Connie had told me. But for some reason she was a little more attentive than usual that night when I got home…or maybe I had been reminded once more of just how special she is. It is amazing to me how she can tell Molly to eat her green beans and no funny business young lady; and lovingly stroke the back of my hand at the same time.

After dinner I was sitting on the sofa enjoying a brief period of “Brain Dead” time when I was invaded by the Gang of Four. Noelle and Brigid both ended up in my lap. They were playing a private game of their own that involved taking turns touching each other’s nose then both them touching my nose at the same time and laughing hysterically. This kept them occupied for at least twenty minutes. Meghan and Molly were on the floor at my feet doing their homework. Eventually Noelle and Brigid were asleep in my arms and Meghan and Molly ended up on the sofa, leaning against me as we watched a little bit of television.

Colleen came in after cleaning the kitchen and stood in front me, her protruding belly in my face, smiling down at the kids.

“Here, let me take one of those so you can relax.”

I pulled the two sleeping bodies a little closer to me and smiled back at her.

“It’s ok; they feel pretty good right where they are.”

Colleen sat in the rocking chair. She watched, contemplating me and our daughters with her contented half smile. We sat there in silence for a while and by the time the TV program was over, Meghan and Molly were also asleep, slumped against me like matching bookends. Colleen stood and walked from the room. As she was coming back into the room, I was leaning my head over sideways and kissed Meghan on the top of her head.

Click

I looked up to see Colleen holding the camera.

“What are you doing?” I whispered, trying not to wake the girls.

“That’s a picture I want to look at forever,” she whispered back.

Three days later, I was coming back from a meeting in the conference room when I saw Mrs. Lopez walking out of my office. In one hand she was holding my jacket and my car keys in the other. She saw me and started speaking in an excited voice.

“Good, you’re here. I was just coming to get you.”

“What’s going on?”

“Colleen just called and her water broke.”

“Oh shit, I’ve got to go.” I grabbed my jacket and keys.

“Just calm down for a second. Your neighbor Linda is there and will stay with the girls. I called Ray because he’s at home and can get there quicker. He’ll take Colleen to the hospital and they’ll meet you there. I’ll close up here then Ray and I will be at your house and stay with the girls, don’t worry about them. Just call later and let us know what’s happening…now GO!”

By the time she had finished saying this I was already on a dead run for the front door.

When I walked through the doors of the maternity ward I saw Colleen and Ray standing at the admitting counter. Colleen was filling in forms and Ray saw me first.

“Robert, over here. Colleen was…”

“A-A-A-H-H-O-O-W-W-W…”

Colleen had cut off what ever Ray was starting to say with a sound that was somewhere between a moan and a scream. She was holding her stomach and had a panicked look on her face. Two nurses were there instantly putting Colleen into a wheelchair. They began pushing her down the hall as quickly as they could without braking into a run. As they turned the corner one of the nurses yelled out, “Let’s move it people. It’s show time.”

I was right behind them.

The birth process for Noelle and Brigid had been leisurely affairs; go to the hospital, sign forms, get settled into the pre-natal room, shave Colleen as part of the pre-op preparation, suck on some ice chips, do Lamaze breathing, time the intervals between contractions…

Screw that stuff this time around.

The nurses were lifting Colleen onto the delivery table as I followed them through the doors. A second behind me was the doctor. He was moving in low speed casual mode and asked, “How far is she dilated?”

“Twenty-one centimeters.”

“HO-LY CRAP!” he yelled and jumped to the stool that was positioned at the end of the delivery table.

The nurse looked at me and barked, “You…get a mask on.”

There hadn’t been time for Colleen to get into a hospital gown; she was still wearing the dress she had on this morning when I left for work. The nurses lifted Colleen’s legs into the stirrups and raised the hem of her dress onto her stomach. The doctor was sitting on his stool and looked between Colleen’s legs when he screamed.

“Somebody get a catcher’s mitt…NOW! Ok mom, when I count three I want you to push, but not until I tell you.”

As soon as someone shoved something into his hands he looked at Colleen’s face with a smile in his eyes.

“Here we go; it’s time to become a mother. Remember; wait until I tell you then push as hard as you can. One…two…three…push.”

Colleen was holding my hand and when she squeezed I thought I could hear bones cracking. Her eyelids were clamped shut and she emitted one long loud combination grunt and groan through gritted teeth. When she finished she was panting heavily and her bright red face was covered in a heavy film of sweat.

I was deliriously happy.

Colleen’s eyes were glazed and she asked in between her labored breaths, “How soon before I have to push again?”

The doctor gave a short laugh.

“We can wait a minute before the second act. Here, I’ve got something you might want to see.”

One nurse laid a towel across Colleen’s chest then the other laid down a tiny bundle of humanity that had a thick coating of disgusting body fluids.

I have never seen a more beautiful sight in my life.

Colleen looked down at who was lying on her chest then she looked at me, her face beaming. She spoke with a large grin.

“Sorry Bobby, your basketball team is going to have to be co-ed.”

I grinned back at her.

“That’s ok wife, every team needs a good outside shooter.”

Just then a nurse lifted our son…our son…I would have to get used to saying the word son…off of Colleen.

“We need to send this little fellow out for dry cleaning. We’ll have him back to you in ten minutes.”

They whisked him across to the other side of the room where they began cleaning the goop off of him then measuring and weighing and all of the other stuff that had to be done following a birth. True to their word, ten minutes later Colleen was holding our son as they wheeled the gurney down the hall to her room.

Colleen was sitting up in bed watching our baby’s face as he slept while I sat in the chair next to her. She was smiling and without looking up she said, “He looks like Daddy.”

“Good, maybe he’ll get a date in high school.”

Colleen looked at me with a smile.

“Oh come on, you had dates in high school.”

“Yeah, but I was a horny teenager, I could’ve used a lot more.”

Colleen only grinned at me.

I sat in the chair holding our son and glanced over at Colleen. She had closed her eyes and her soft regular breathing told me she was asleep. Looking down into the face of this little miracle my thoughts were wandering all over the place.

A son…I’m going to have to learn a whole new parent vocabulary…coaching little league can’t be all that hard…maybe his sisters will teach him soccer instead…can’t coach soccer, don’t understand it well enough…we have a minivan, I can drive on field trips…Colleen is right, he does look like Dad…I wish he were here to meet his grandson…he has four sisters; he’s either going to be the little prince or the goat boy…we’re out of bedrooms, where is he going to sleep?

I don’t know why, and I suppose there is some deep psychological explanation, but no matter how many children you already have, that first time you hold your new child…in the quiet by yourself, you begin to think about your own past and your child’s future. We all begin with a clean slate and we almost never end up where we thought we were going to be.

Every child deserves to have parents and family that love them. Parents that are Married/Unmarried/Gay/Straight, it makes no difference. The child should grow up knowing that they are loved and cherished and in a home where they feel safe. In the end, I hope that our children know how deeply Colleen and I love them, and how much we love each other.

There is a simple elegance to every aspect of Colleen, but especially in the way she loves me. We were inseparable as children and now as adults we were continually learning together what true happiness and love is all about. I was the pillar that she leaned on when Bill died and she was there to hold my hand in the aftermath of my marriage to Barbra crashing down in flames. We had helped each other survive our own individual separate corners of hell and our love for each other grows stronger every day.

Our life together has been nothing but a blessing for both of us, but we have also had to make some sacrifices too. By making our choices we have had to cut ourselves off from our past in Santa Teresa so that we can have a future together. We will never be able to attend any of our high school reunions. Friends that were so dear to us we could no longer stay in touch with, only keep them locked away in our memories. But our love for each other and our children is so great that none of that matters. Any part of the individual hell that we went through, any loss of our past; we would go through it again a hundred times over if we had to so we could end up where we are today, together with our children.

There has been a rapid turnover of the people in our neighborhood. One generation dying, or retiring and moving away to make room for the next generation of young families to move in. By this time no one in San Miguel had any memory of us as anything other than Mr. and Mrs. O’Conner.

There was a country western song on the radio years ago; I can’t remember the name of it and don’t ask me who the singer was. But I do remember one line…

“Don’t ask me where she came from;

All I know is she gave me back my life.”

I am thirty years old…I am married to my sister…We have five children; I have adopted my nieces and my sister and I now have three children together under the age of twenty-two months…

I am the luckiest man on the face of the earth.

The nurse came and took the baby back to the nursery so that both he and Colleen could have their much needed rest. While she was sleeping, I decided to go downstairs to get a sandwich and coffee plus call home to tell everyone the news that there would now be two males in the O’Conner house. Mrs. Lopez answered the phone and was excited to hear that Colleen and the baby were doing well. She told me not to worry; she and Ray would spend the night at our house with the girls and would see us tomorrow. Then she handed the phone to Meghan.

“Hi daddy, what’s our new sister look like?”

“Sorry sweetie, it’s not a sister. You have a brother.”

There was a second of hesitation as Meghan processed what I had just told her.

“Really?…Molly, we have a brother!” she yelled across the room to her sister. In the background I could hear Molly’s laughing cries of “yippee” and the squeals of Noelle and Brigid as they mimicked their sisters.

“Listen sweetheart, I’m going to stay here tonight with your mother and the baby, but Aunt Connie and Uncle Ray are going to spend the night with you guys. We’ll bring your brother home tomorrow.”

“That’s ok, Aunt Connie promised she would make tacos and Uncle Ray is being funny. Daddy, I have to go now. Molly and I need to help Aunt Connie get the girls ready for their nap but Grandma called and wants you to call her back. She’s at the hospital with Aunt Sharon and Aunt Mi Lin.”

Hospital?

We ended the phone call with Meghan promising to spread hugs and kisses all around. I immediately called the hospital in Santa Teresa and got passed around and put on hold for a long time before I finally got a hold of Mom.

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