Zishy – Cindy White – Jesus Was Blonde

If my memory serves me correctly, but usually it does not, Cindy White had an ultra-Christian upbringing. Her father grew up in Montana. As a boy, he idolized his favorite Sunday preacher for delivering the most powerful and heartfelt sermons. Jacob began to think that his future also lied in clergy. But God had other plans. A summer job at a local car dealership developed into a short career as the slimiest salesman you could ever meet. Jacob ended up impregnating the dealership’s receptionist, who was already unhappily married to her alcoholic (and closeted) high school sweetheart, and the two decided to start a new life together in Bakersfield. They bore an attractive daughter and subjected her to extreme sexual repression post-puberty. This of course had the opposite desired effect and Cindy’s curious nature erupted the moment she was able to hitchhike her way to Los Angeles. However, religion proved a hard habit to kick and Cindy was compelled to find herself a church, as luck would have it, the very same one located around the corner from my go-to dispensary. I can spot a gem hiding in any congregation. Stay ready.